A very serious scene
by Funny Hat US
Summary: This is an extremely serious story, and is done in script format. You may not smile while reading it.
1. Default Chapter

Boston Public Scene 1 Scene: Principal Steven's office.  
  
[Enter: Harry Senate]  
  
Senate: Steven, do you have a moment, Steven?  
  
Steven: grrrr.  
  
Senate: Great. Steven, I think I have a bit of a problem, and I need your help.  
  
Steven: grrr. grrr.  
  
Senate: Well, I was trying to teach my class the importance of responsibility, or social awareness, or something, I kinda forget. Anyway, I brought a cooler filled with nuclear waste-product into the classroom for the kids to look at. By shear coincidence, I have a friend who works in a nuclear power plant, or something. He used to work for a morgue and some other places, but quit.  
  
Steven. grrrrrrr.  
  
Senate: Anyway, the problem is that Jamal, my student who I set up to work at the morgue, spilled the cooler and now the entire basement of Winslow High is a nuclear disaster area. I think we ought to call the police or something, but not until I've convinced Jamal to tell everybody he's sorry. Or something. To tell you the truth, not much of what I say makes a whole lot of sense, so it's hard to say.  
  
Steven. You. Brought. What? Into. Your. Classroom?  
  
Senate: Look, all I was trying to do was, err, show them the importance of coolers.  
  
[enter Scott]  
  
Scott: Bark bark bark! Bark!!  
  
Steven: I. Know. And. I'm. dealing. With. It. Now.  
  
Scott: [to Harry] Bark!  
  
Senate: Come on, Scott, that's not fair, Just because I've recklessly endangered the safety and well being of the school for the 57th time doesn't mean it's inappropriate to have me in the classroom.  
  
Steven: grrr grr.  
  
Scott: Mister Senate!!!! Barky bark bark bark , however! Bark bark bark!!!  
  
Senate: Shut up Scott! I know you're Vice Principal, but I'm going to flagrantly show insubordination to you once again, because the writers of the show have decided a teacher can repeatedly insult his boss without getting fired. I would like to tell you that you should support me for once, despite the fact that I'm clearly not entirely in command of my faculties. However, instead I'm going to go sulk now on my own so that we can quasi-reconcile by the end of the episode.  
  
[exit Senate]  
  
Steven: Grr.. grrrr.  
  
Scott: Steven, you can't possibly bark bark bark bark!!  
  
Steven: grrr. mumble mumble i'm going to side with Harry on this one Scott. Even though he's erratic and a borderline sociopath, i know he has the kids' best interests at heart. Or something.  
  
Scott: Bark bark bark!  
  
[Enter Louisa]  
  
Louisa: I'm just here to reiterate what has occurred in this episode, even though you already say it. I have no other reason for being on the show. So, Harry's managed to spill nuclear waste all over the basement of the school!  
  
Steven: grrr. mumble mumble  
  
Louisa: Oh, one other thing. May I mention that the person who wrote this little Boston Public Parody's email address is FunnyHatUS@yahoo.com ? And that his website is http://www.geocities.com/funnyhatus ?  
  
Scott: No! You! May! Not!  
  
Louisa: Fine, Scott, Fine. Be that way. Well, I'm off to act annoyed for no particular reason.  
  
[Exit Louisa]  
  
Steven: grumble, grrr. Well, I think that.  
  
[Enter Ronnie Cooke]  
  
Ronnie: Steven! I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more! Do you realize what's going on in your school? I'm mad?! Did you hear me?! How can you do this?! I am now going to critique your job as principal, even though I've only been teaching for a few months and you've been in education for years, and have a "degree" or something!  
  
Steven: Ronnie, grumble, grumble.  
  
Scott: bark bark bark! Knocking before you enter bark bark?  
  
Ronnie: Stuff it, Guber!  
  
Scott: ok.  
  
Steven: Scott. What. Are. You. Doing. Under. My. Desk?  
  
Scott: make her go away!!  
  
Steven: mumble mumble  
  
Ronnie: What did you say?  
  
Steven: i said, what seems to be the problem.  
  
Ronnie: Oh, sorry. Your voice was so low that the windows were rattling and I couldn't hear you. Um, I dunno, but I think every so often, as a lawyer, I have to I have to charge in here and act angry. David Kelley's other shows have lawyers and that's what they do, so I figure it's appropriate.  
  
Steven: grumble grumble  
  
[Exit Ronnie]  
  
Steven: grrr.  
  
Scott: Steven, you know, your leadership truly inspires me. Now that I'm not yelling at people, would you like to hear a ten minute speech on the nobility of teachers?  
  
Steven: grrrrrrr.  
  
END 


	2. Another Serious Boston Public Scene

Scene: Dungeon (classroom). Senate is sitting.  
  
[Enter Lauren]  
  
Lauren: Steven tells me you spilled nuclear waste around the classroom. Is that what that green ooze is on the floor?  
  
Senate: I don't want to talk about it. Go away.  
  
Lauren: Come on, Harry, we really should talk about this. All couples need to discuss it when one partner seriously threatens the lives of their entire workplace it's best for us to talk. Let's talk, talk. Talk?  
  
Senate: Beat it.  
  
Lauren: Rather than leave, I'm going to stand here plaintively for a few minutes. Talk?  
  
Senate: Get lost.  
  
Lauren: We should talk about how you won't talk.  
  
Senate: Go away.  
  
Lauren: Why do you want for me to go away? Let's discuss it.  
  
Senate: I'm just going to continue to be rude to you, just as I have been throughout our entire relationship. You see, even though I'm nothing but a closed off person to you, you wanted to go out with me anyway. Or something.  
  
Lauren: I'm going to leave and look hurt.  
  
Senate: Later.  
  
[Exit Lauren]  
  
[Enter Scott]  
  
Scott: MISTER! SENATE! Bark bark bark bark bark.  
  
Senate: Whatever, you jackass.  
  
Scott: Bark bark bark!  
  
Senate: Stop hyperventilating, guy.  
  
Scott: You're fired!!  
  
Senate: You can't fire me, you've only done that to characters who were going to leave the show anyway. Plus, I have license to be as rude to you as I want, because that's the way this relationship works on the show. Interestingly, I can also be gruff to Lauren and she'll still like me.  
  
Scott: Bark!  
  
Senate: Is that all you're going to say?  
  
Scott: No, I'm also going to mention that the author of this piece has the email address funnyhatus@yahoo.com, and the website is www.geocities.com/funnyhatus.  
  
Senate: Ok. Get lost.  
  
[Exit Scott]  
  
[Enter Harvey]  
  
Harvey: Oh my! My pants have been stolen! I can't find my eyeglasses! I've misplaced my brain!  
  
Senate: What do you want, Harvey!  
  
Harvey: What's all this green stuff on the floor?  
  
Senate: I spilled some nuclear waste on the floor.  
  
Harvey: Hmm. I can't really think of anything to say about that that will be offensive to ethnic groups. That's pretty much my thing.  
  
Senate: Hmm, I can't think of anything either. Want to go on the town to see if we can pick up some young alumnae from this school, or perhaps even some seniors who are 18?  
  
Harvey: What?  
  
Senate: I just figured, since all the other teachers in this school have done it, you might want a turn.  
  
Harvey: You thought I would want to go pick up 18 year old women? I'm nearly 80!  
  
Senate: So?  
  
Harvey: Ok, I'll give it a go.  
  
[Exit Harvey, Senate] 


	3. Extremely relevant and crucial scene, wh...

Scene: Teachers' Lounge  
  
[Enter Danny, Ronnie]  
  
Ronnie: And another thing I did as a lawyer was to do very important things. Of course I do none of that now that I gave it up to be a teacher. Can I complain to you some more about how I'm not cut out to be a teacher, and should just go back to being an extremely wealthy lawyer? Did I mention I once was a lawyer?  
  
Danny: See, yeah well, ok, here's the thing. Sometimes, when I'm like, you know, talking to, you know, I have a hard time, like, you know, expressing, you know, like, what I, I dunno, want to, like, say. Ok?  
  
Ronnie: Whatever, I'm going to go roam the halls for a while and see if I can give out legal advice to people who don't really want it.  
  
[Exit Ronnie]  
  
[Enter Guber]  
  
Guber: MISTER Hansen, what do you have to say for yourself?! WELL?! Believe you me, I know what's up here, and I will make you suffer. Ohhhh yesss. Arrg!!  
  
Danny: Like, hi, umm, you know, Scott. How's it, like, I dunno, like, going?  
  
Guber: Where is Ms. Cook?! I know she's doing something she's not supposed to be doing. I'll get her yet, yess.  
  
Danny: What's, like, I dunno, that, like, thing, in, I dunno, your hand?  
  
Guber: DON'T LOOK AT THAT! He won't get you, my precsiousss. Yesss, he won't get you, you are safe with me, my precioussss...  
  
Danny: Whoa, man, like, I dunno what's, like, up, but you need to get cured by that new teacher that looks like Liv Tyler, cuz she's like, the elf queen, or whatever.  
  
[Exit Danny]  
  
Guber: They all want you my precious, but they won't get you!  
  
[Enter Colin]  
  
Colin: Yo, Mr. G! Hangin' tough! Yo!  
  
Guber: MISTER. err, whatever your name is. I can't keep all you new teachers straight. What do you think you are doing!? This isn't New Kids on the Block any more, you know!  
  
Colin: Oh oh, OH oh oh. Oh oh. OH oh.  
  
Guber: Arg!!  
  
[Exit Guber]  
  
Colin: Thank you for paying attention to this. There's no particular point in this scene, it's just been a while since the author of these little parodies, whose email is FunnyHatUS@yahoo.com with the web site www.geocities.com/funnyhatus, has written one for Boston Public, so he felt like putting one up. Instead of continuing the parody, I will now have a 10 minute (or so) exposition on the current state of American politics, and its ramifications on international affairs.  
  
[Enter Harvey]  
  
Harvey: In my day, you man, we didn't break the 4th wall!  
  
Colin: Sorry, Harvey, I respect you now and will obey your wishes. Or something.  
  
END 


End file.
